INTRODUCTIONSHi, my name is Hashem. And I am here as a punishment. See, I didn't cut the muster of being a full-fledged dybbuk--I wasn't mean enough, scary enough or tall enough. So instead, I was relegated back to the world and delivered into the hands of a rabbi. Now that's a punishment! Nine months of being stuck with this guy. But I suppose the rabbi wasn't such a good guy either or else he would be saddled with me. At his last service before his sabbatical, people were treating him so nice, it was like he had died or something. Seriously, who gets treated that way when they're living? Anyways, as they are sending him off they give him this beautiful quilt to bring with him--which by the way were they smart! It is freezing in Denver--blizzard I tell you! He is really gonna need that blanket--and so am I. Little does this rabbi know, but I am the biggest blanket hog around.
Anyways back to the story, they give him a quilt with fabric from the almost the entire congregation and they pull a fast one. Just like those CBHers are prone to do, there's a catch: Me! They give him pint-sized, mustard yellow, bad-breathed me and they tell him to take me along. Like I am a spy or a snitch or something...well, I am, but sshhh don't let him know. He actually has taken me along and given me this name: Hashem.
Not such a good name for a rascal like me, but the reb says Hashem is everywhere (Here! There! Everywhere! Up! up! Down! down! Right! Left! All around!) and since I am coming along everywhere he thinks its a smart name. Boy is he gonna get in trouble with the real Hashem (and probably a few Orthodox Jews who don't have a sense of humor).
But true to my name, I have been taken along everywhere. I can't wait to tell you about it, but it is taken me awhile to get free from the reb and access his computer. Oh no, he's coming, I gotta run. I promise I got some good stories coming.
Hashem--the little wise spy guy on the rabbi's wi-fi while the rabbi is on his bye-bye
